The Great Coconut Milk Caper 2: Foods I Like. With Almonds. With Coconuts. And With Milk. Just Not All Together.

First of all, let me just apologize to those healthy people I may have offended undoubtedly infuriated by my disparaging remarks about unsweetened almond-coconut milk in my last post.  I'm sure someone out there is thinking to themselves, "I can't believe she doesn't like almond-coconut milk...Do you think she drinks....dairy milk? And it's probably not even organic. What sort of health teacher is she?" I hope you realize that my raving frankness about how much I loathed that beverage was just a ploy to let people know that it is OK to pass up on healthy foods they don't enjoy in favor of ones they do. And I hope that you realize that being in the wellness industry and having taste buds are not mutually exclusive. Please know that I don't judge you for having poor taste in beverages.

There. Now my conscience is clear.

With that out of the way, I don't want anyone thinking that I hate all healthy products out there, either. And I don't even hate almonds. Or coconuts. Or milk. Clearly, I am just not a fan of combining the three. However, I do have some yummy recommendations that incorporate these goodies in a variety of ways that makes health taste delicious. By sharing a few ideas with you, I hope to get out of hot water with the health food junkies, while not making my Snickers-and-Oreo loving junkies too sad, either.

Amazing Almonds-- It took me awhile to enjoy these great nuts after a bad experience with Jordan Almonds as a kid. Ironically enough, almonds are the one thing in life with which I find chocolate to be disagreeable. Everything else is fair game in my book. Almonds are an amazing and delicious source of so many nutrients, and there are countless health benefits that come from eating them in moderation and without being tainted by coconuts or chocolate. We're talking big benefits here--reduced cardiovascular risk, improved insulin sensitivity, and antioxidant benefits that could give fresh veggies a run for their money. The good unsaturated fat is a real boon when it comes to lowering the GL of a meal, too. In fact, when a student can't stomach plain or vanilla Greek yogurt, our class curriculum calls for a few nuts and additional fiber to lower the GL of the pre-flavored stuff.  And while I certainly don't advocate almonds as a primary protein source (seriously, who wants to eat 400 calories worth of almonds to get 10 grams of protein needed to make a balanced snack?), I love the idea of sprinkling a few on a salad for extra crunch and protein. Not to mention that salad always looks more glamorous with nuts on top.

But I just discovered that even almonds could be improved upon as a salad topper. The good folks at my company's corporate HQ just sent out this amazing salad recipe that includes their latest, greatest concoction--the Go Nuts 'N' Berries bar as an all-in-one salad topper. Is it possible to combine all the goodness of peanuts, almonds, chia and flax seed, and cranberries into one amazing sprinkly topping? Apparently it is. And if breaking up is hard to do for you, just eat the bar itself. You won't regret it.

Salad is the new sexy with this tasty topper.

Go Cuckoo for Coconuts-- My apologies to General Mills for stealing their Cocoa Puffs line, but, frankly, my line is better. And going cuckoo for coconuts won't land you in a diabetic coma the same way eating a cereal with a 16GL everyday will, either. Seriously, I think coconut is amazing. Not only is emerging research showing some great health benefits from its oils, but it just Tastes.So.Yummy. And you know me--I'm not jumping on any bandwagon that doesn't offer me a good time. That's probably why I got so excited when my friends at Trinity Health Weight Loss shared this amazing recipe that includes coconut in its best form--toasted on top of a brownie. No, my friends, it really doesn't get much better than this. And some of this recipe's other features aren't so bad, either--I dare you to find me a better gluten-free brownie that has an impressively low 8GL, includes extra fiber, AND doesn't shy away from cream cheese icing. It simply can't be done.

You're drooling now for these bad boys. And you don't have the necessary fiber to make them amazingly healthy and delicious. Which means you need to talk to me ASAP. You're welcome.

Milk It for All It's Worth-- Tell me, when did regular dairy milk become so bad for you? I think it's great that there are quality alternatives out there for people with allergies and intolerances, but seriously, for the rest of us ?!?!? While it is important to look out for added hormones and other health offenders, I am quite all right drinking cow's milk on occasion, my friends. As with all dairy products, I always opt for the one with the lowest fat content, knowing that full-fat dairy only has more calories and saturated fat, without any additional protein benefits. On that note, I discovered that my recent bout with the offending beverage whose "name should not be spoken" yielded me only 1 dismal gram of protein, compared with the 8 grams that my fat-free milk provides. Other dairy alternatives, like rice milk or soy milk, also carry the risk of either having too much sugar per grams of protein, or have dangerous sugar substitutes in their No Sugar Added varieties. Thankfully, there are some out there sweetened with stevia, but it does make you think: "If this stuff has to be sweetened in order for me to like it, and then I have to choose between a higher GL or toxic chemicals for that sweetness, maybe I should just go back to plain milk...." 

Milk makes a great addition for low-glycemic desserts that lack the necessary amount of protein to qualify as a balanced snack. (And, no, pairing milk with Oreos does not make them a complete snack. But it *does* complement these low-glycemic cookies quite nicely.) Other dairy products, such as Greek yogurt and cottage cheese, boast an incredibly high protein-to-calorie ratio, and are some of my top recommendations for students looking to pair their fresh fruits and veggies with a quality protein. I could go on about the many uses of *real* dairy products, but I think you can judge for yourself how truly fond I am of this beverage that has been a dietary staple for centuries, long before its less tasty counterparts came along and tried to ruin me forever on whitish beverages.

Finally, one has to wonder if the cost difference between dairy milk and its fancy-pants counterparts isn't driven so much by quality difference as it is solely by the fact that it takes a lot more almonds to make a gallon of milk than it does cows. One cow can produce about 8 gallons of milk per day. Let's see how much one almond can produce: 

Artist's Rendering of Milking an Almond. And by artist's rendering, I mean not one feature of this portrait is in any way realistic or scientifically accurate. And I also mean that I want to copyright it.

                                             

 If you ask me, those cows are earning their keep.

The Great Coconut Milk Caper

Recently, I went to the health food store with my neighbor. We had a good time exploring all the nooks and crannies together, and I succumbed to the occupational hazard of getting way too excited about sales on organic quinoa and garbanzo bean flour for my gluten-free brownie recipe. While this in itself may be a sign that I need to get a real life, it was not the most disturbing occurrence of the day.

During my giddy tromp through the aisles of wholesome goodness, I came across a shiny new product. With a *coupon*. The Almond-Coconut Milk was practically begging me to pick it up and enjoy it. And so I picked it up. And I did NOT enjoy it.

 The manufacturers were not lying when they said it was unsweetened. I assumed that the nutty flavor of the almonds or the natural sweetness of the coconut would create a goodness all its own. Not even a show featuring a flatulent 6-year-old pageant girl named Honey Boo Boo could be more wrong. I desperately tried to save the milk with my favorite liquid stevia, but it was a lost cause. There was no salvaging the damage done to my taste buds.

Even though I had little hope of TLC making a show about my epic plight through the health food world, I really had wanted to be some sort of cool trend-setting milk drinker. There were a million problems with that premise already--not the least of which was the fact that the words "cool" and "trend-setting" are rarely seen with "milk-drinker." The bad taste that the almond-coconut milk left in my mouth didn't help my cause, either. I realized that sacrificing taste for the sake of looking like some uber chic health class teacher was not worth it.

See, there are a lot of healthy beverage options other than unsweetened coconut milk, several of which I actually enjoy. In fact, on this same fateful day, I had also purchased unsweetened cranberry juice to blend into this amazing recipe that tricks me into drinking more water. You'll never guess which one I have almost polished off.

With my classes, I give my students a list of healthy foods they can choose from in order to attain maximum weight loss. While this list is designed to provide them with useful information for making great meal combinations, it is not meant to force them to choose items with a 0 GL just to make them look like health food superstars. Honestly, I think 0 GL artichoke should be savored in a spinach dip and not served up as a yucky substitute for  asparagus, the only 2 GL vegetable God created as a binge food. And there is no way on earth that I am going to force feed myself a 0 GL lemon when I could be having a 5 GL apple. *All* of the options on the list are perfectly good choices, and I want my girls to stock up on ones that they will actually eat, not just ones that appear "healthier." Seriously, I would much rather them have a vegetable they love with a low GL than one they "make" themselves eat with no GL at all. Otherwise, as soon as our class time is up, they'll get 0 GL from their veggies, but it won't be because they're making healthier choices...they simply won't be eating veggies at all. If they can't love the healthy choices they make, they will eventually stop making them altogether.

I'm not even sure this picture is relevant, but I can't help laughing every time I see it. So I put it in my blog. To enjoy forever.

A healthy lifestyle should be designed to work with a person's taste buds and not against them.  No, it doesn't mean that you eat Snickers because they make you happy, but it doesn't mean that any food that does must be automatically bad for you, either. This summer, I was almost addicted to watermelon. With every bite I savored, I didn't have to convince myself that having a 7 GL cup of this fruit was a good health choice; I ate it almost incessantly simply because it was a healthy choice I already loved. While my girls know that one cup of beans has about the same protein content as a palm-sized serving of chicken breast, I don't see the point in forcing someone who loves grilled chicken with peppers and pineapple to try to force down some pintos instead. Go with what you know, and then go with what you love!

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go drink some cranberry water and drain some coconut milk. And then maybe I'll follow up with the TLC folks, just in case they changed their minds about my TV series, after all.

Sensa Sensibility: The Problem with Diet Pills and Trends

Prepare yourselves for another rant, my friends. Today I am going off on all those magic diet pills and trends that promise maximum results with minimal effort. I don't mean to single Sensa out--though it does seem to be pretty weird--but I thought using Sensa in the title was a much cleverer ode to the works of Jane Austen than say, Northanger Amberen would be, so I ran with it. Besides, it's my blog and I can pretty much do what I like. (Insert evil, health class teacher laugh here)

The prevalence of weight loss products out there is a sad testament to the fact that what we've been doing for the past 30 years isn't working. Despite spending $30 billion dollars a year  on weight loss, 66% of the population is still struggling to lose weight or manage to keep it off. If our weight management was a mutual funds investment, the dismal ROI would cause me to fire my financial adviser. It's these pathetic results that keep us grasping at straws, looking for the next miracle solution, when the answers lie right in front of us-- on our plate.

In case you're not familiar with the whole concept of Sensa, here's the Cliff's Notes version: You sprinkle little flavor crystals, known as Tastants, on whatever food you eat, and they are supposed to signal your body to be fuller faster. While they aren't supposed to alter the flavor of your food, they do come in a Salty and Sweet variety, so that confuses me a little. The magic lies in the fact that the founders of Sensa claim that you don't have to change what you're eating at all, and you'll still lose an average of 30 pounds in 6 months. 

While this sounds somewhat promising--who doesn't want to lose weight automatically?--I have some pretty big concerns about the entire premise of their program. For your convenience, I've gone ahead and weighed out the pros and cons for you in a handy dandy chart:

Pros	Cons
Promises weight loss without exercise.	You can get skinny and not be fit, which is actually more of a health hazard than smoking.*
Promises weight loss without a change in diet.	Only suppresses appetite, without addressing real issues of insulin imbalance that cause cravings in the first place.
Sprinkling your food with flavor packets is almost like decorating a cupcake.	I’d hate to mix up the salty and sweet flavor crystals and ruin a perfectly good Snickers bar.
Tastant packets are “flavorless.”	So, why do the Salty and Sweet sprinkles change on a monthly basis? And why do consumers disagree?
Free 30-day trial.	After that, you have to pay good money for sprinkly things that a) don’t add any real nutritional value to your food and b) might still ruin a perfectly good Snickers bar.
Program offers additional products, like snack chews, flavored water, and recipe books for support.	If those magic sprinkles are so awesome, why would you need new snacks and recipes to help you lose weight?

*No, this is not me speaking in health class teacher hyperbole. There is a legitimate study in the New England Journal of Medicine to back me up on this one.

Other programs have similar complications. Amberen, for example, boasts of balancing your hormones, which I happen to think is a critical component of long-term weight loss; however, when you dig deeper into their "program," you find that you just can't take their magic pills and lose weight, either. There's always a recipe book or recommended exercise to go along with it. And don't even get me started on some of the ingredients in the actual tablets (or sprinkles) themselves: If you read some of the ingredients lists, you would be pretty freaked out. But it would also explain why some of these, including Alli and Sensa, have consumer reports of negative side effects, including nausea, faintness, and blood pressure issues.  I fully realize that this is not everyone's experience, and you can't always believe what you read on the internet (except if it is written by Jennifer Mason). But that is a two-way street--advertisers can do just as much embellishing as any disgruntled consumer can.

My problem is not that no one has invented the magic pill for instant weight loss. 

My problem is that these companies are claiming that they have.

 

Heck, I don't mind if there is a diet plan to go along with a supplement for weight loss; I mind that consumers are misled into believing that there is really nothing to weight loss except for popping a pill or sprinkling a powder. In fact, I believe there *should* be a change in lifestyle to accompany weight loss. I've seen people get thin the wrong way, and, believe me, I would much rather have someone do it right, even if it takes a little longer. You wanna know the ironic thing, though? On average, students who modify their lifestyle using my class principles, can actually lose weight at the same rate or faster than those using a "quick-fix" approach. And then they're equipped with the tools and the education to continue with healthy habits for life, without any risk of side effects that the FDA may not warn against with these new pills until they discover them too late. (Those of you old enough to remember the Fen-Phen scare will know what I'm talking about.)

Just to be fair to the Sensa folks, I created a handy dandy little table with pros and cons for the method I use in my 12-week health classes, as well. The best part to me is that none of this will be news to my students. They know what they are getting into up front, and, despite the inclusion of the 5th item on each side of the chart, they choose to join anyway:

Pros	Cons
Teaches students how to eat to balance their blood sugar and nourish their cells, making them healthier on the inside, not just skinnier on the outside.	Yes, it actually does involve giving up some foods for the short-term, and learning about which foods to limit in the long run. And the increased awareness of what food does to your body may make you find yourself apologizing to your arteries when you cause them spasm.
Includes an active lifestyle and helps women see that they are stronger than they thought as they conquer the daily 5K walk.	Giving up a few extra Zzzz’s to get up with a friend and walk around the block while catching up on gossip. Or missing reruns of Lifetime Made-for-TV movies for an evening workout. (SPOILER ALERT: The female victim always gets justice against the male antagonist. So now you won’t miss out.)
Given the fact that students are creating wellness at a cellular level, weight loss is just one of many positive side effects, including, but not limited to, lower triglyceride levels, improved HDL, reduced inflammation markers, less insulin dependence, and better blood pressure.	Medication levels may need to be adjusted under the care of a physician. Also, you *might* save so much money on prescriptions that you might be tempted to buy extra Starbucks Frappuccinos, Sam's Club-sized boxes of Snickers bars*, or hit up a cruise ship buffet line, where you will be tempted to eat high-glycemic foods.
Utilizes a combination of convenient health foods and wholesome real foods, with awesome recipe swaps to bribe a girl’s taste buds.	Sometimes having dreamy Chocolate Almond Nut Shakes, Peanut Butter Crunch Bars, and fresh seasonal fruit in a Greek yogurt dip just gets so cliché. Seriously, there are so many great foods, that healthy is the new indulgence.
Um, hellooo…..students get to spend 12 weeks with ME.	Please see #5 in previous column.

* It is strict classroom policy that excess Snickers be removed from the student's home and eaten by the teacher donated to charity.

Yes, I may be guilty of making my chart with a little more razzulous dazzulous  in it, but that is simply because I believe that changing the way people approach food creates a more lasting solution to the health crisis in America than does encouraging them to strive for results without real change. I want to see my girls healthy, not just skinny, and that begins on the inside of our bodies, not the outside of our food. Despite all the advances in science and technology, I am still skeptical of anything that promises the appearance of health, yet doesn't do anything to improve the things that really count, like blood pressure, glucose levels, and inflammation markers (Cr-P, Homocysteine) that put us at risk for heart disease and Alzheimer's.

So, if you're ready to chuck the pills and change your life, look me up. Write a comment, post on my Facebook wall, or check out the 10-Day Jump Start for great ways to start a new normal in your life, one that doesn't involve sprinkly magic, but serious results. Besides, there is nothing normal about sprinkling a Snickers to death. 

To Stop Senseless Sprinkling of Snickers, please call the S4 Hotline at 1-800-SAV-TAST.

Conventional Wisdom: What I Learned about Corporate Changes, and How They Apply to Real Life

Last week, I attended my company's 20th Annual International Convention. It was a pretty big deal. I mean, where else are you going to have almost 10,000 people who get hyped up over stuff like liver detoxification talks, the unveiling of a new non-GMO snack bar, and reverse osmosis water fountains? Probably nowhere but at a health convention. Sure, we get stoked about regular people things, too-- you'd have to be like a health savant *not* to love the free iPads all around, and the chance to earn a seriously super cool cruise--but it was pretty awesome being immersed in the corporate health aura for a few days.

Since it was the 20th anniversary of the company, there was a lot of nostalgia about our roots, but, more importantly, there were some pretty big changes in store as we began to look toward the future. Now that I've had some time to digest all the announcements our corporate officers made, I realized that what we learned as a company applies to me as an individual, as well. So here's what I learned...I hope these four lessons from four days make a difference for you, too.

Some Things Were Better Off Left in the 80s. Like leg warmers. 
And low-fat diets.

Even though USANA Health Sciences was founded in 1992, a lot of our corporate festivities focused on the 1980s. Not really sure why, except that, in reality, the early 90s were really just an extension of the 80s, I guess. At any rate, our Convention kicked off with a huge concert by some of the best 80s stars, like Belinda Carlisle, Tommy Shaw, and Kenny Loggins.  I heartily sang along with the chorus of "Heaven Is a Place on Earth," and I may or may not have done the Carlton during "Footloose," at which point the Hubs was relieved to have been a comfortably distant 30 yards away. It was pretty epic. 

What was *not* epic was seeing people comply all too readily with the invitation to sport their best 80s outfits. Seriously, I think some people there had simply hung on to their 80s wardrobe, waiting for it to come back in vogue instead of letting those trends die with what little dignity over-sized T shirts and leg warmers could muster. The Hubs and I wondered what the ratio was of people who bought an 80s outfit for the occasion vs. people who just pulled something out of their regular wardrobe rotation and finally had a chance to blend in again. It was crazy.

In the health world, there are a lot of 80s trends that need to die with dignity, too. Things like the whole low-fat diet trend. Or the high-carb, low- protein trend. You look around and tell me if either of those has curbed the problem of the expanding waistlines of Americans. I didn't think so. Instead of clinging to our dietary side ponies and Tshirt ties, we need a health update that, incidentally, may help you fit into those ugly 80s clothes again. Although I would strongly advocate a shopping spree instead. Check out the following myth-busting article that backs me up on this one: http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-504763_162-57461950-10391704/low-glycemic-index-diet-may-be-best-at-keeping-off-pounds/

It's Never Too Late to Change Your Image.

One of the big announcements our CEO made last week was the complete overhaul of our labels and branding for our products. Yes, this *was* cause for a lot of excitement among our team. What can I say? We get giddy easily. But seriously, check out the before and after, and see if you don't think our new logo brings the razzle-dazzle:

Why change a logo after 20 successful years? Seriously, I would have never thought to jazz it up. I was fine with the way things were. Until I saw that they could be better.

And, that, my friends, was a huge wake-up call. I think a lot of us live with the way things were because we are simply too comfortable in our little ruts. Or we don't see any possibility of change. That is my passion: to help women see that life after baby or life after 40 doesn't *have* to be a certain way. It's my firm belief that there are always opportunities for us to bring the razzle dazzle in life, as well. (I'm sure there's a scientific term for razzle dazzle somewhere...maybe razzulous dazzulous or something.) Just because you've "never been thin" or "always carried my weight in my belly" or "have a family history of diabetes" doesn't mean you have to leave it that way.

I've swapped pretzels for protein bars. The Hubs went from prescriptions to supplements. We both went from recitals to running. My students traded in cravings for curbings. This stuff *really* happens. *You* can change your personal logo!

Health Can Be--And Should Be--Almost Illegally Fun.

When our VP announced the release of a new snack bar to our line of healthy foods, you would have thought the whole place had gotten new iPads. Actually, they already had. This was just icing on the cake. Especially when samples floated down in those cute little parachutes into the crowd. It was almost pandemonium.

And then there were the energy drink popsicles. They sound like they *should* be bad, but they are totally low-glycemic and have only clean sources of caffeine. And they're red (without artificial coloring or flavors) and juicy. Pure nectar of the gods, my friends.

I tell you, this is better than having the ice cream man come around. And less creepy, too.

Being around a bunch of health geeks will make this sort of thing exciting. But I seriously think that healthy choices should be exciting on a daily basis, too. Some of our favorite recipes around here make the menu rotation again and again, not because it's part of our diet kick, but because we actually *like* them! One of the speakers at the Convention said we should strive to come up with a healthy diet that is easy to love. I think he totally hit the nail on the head. What's the fun in doing something just because it's good for you?

That's why I like to bring the razzulous dazzulous to my health classes, too. We swap smoothie and soup recipes, try new desserts, and make the healthy choices in our lives the fun ones, too. I encourage my girls to find a walking buddy because I know for me that hanging out with my friends is sometimes the only thing that will make me get up out of bed and *want* to move. I've had some of the best laughs over a stupid P90X DVD that would have otherwise irritated the crap out of me. And I just had like the best salad ever, thanks to some awesome friends who think that healthy stuff doesn't have to be for dieting, but is OK to serve at fun dinners, too. I love that approach.

The best part is when health becomes fun, it becomes a way of life. Otherwise, it's just a diet. And those pretty much suck.

Dr. Oz, While a Talented Physician, Cannot Even *Fake* Playing the Guitar. 

We all have our gifts and limitations, I suppose.

*shrieks with delight that Dr. Oz is here* *cringes with shame that he holds a guitar like that*

Yeah, so one of the big deals about our 20th Convention was that Dr. Oz himself was going to be there. He came in with all the glory of a rock star as our corporate band, the Free Radicals (some of you will think that is funny), played a jam behind him. It was a cool entrance, but as a musician, I have enough guitar-playing friends to know that it's a good idea to at least *look* like you're strumming or picking or something. His musical improv was sorely lacking.

But his nutritional knowledge was not. He gave us all sorts of insight into how the body responds to wise and poor choices, gave us five tips for a better life, and encouraged us to keep taking control of our own health and help others do the same. He was great.

And I guess I learned that we all have areas we are strong in. And it's OK that they're all different.  Some of the people I hung around are way better than me about abstaining from dessert. Others can't fathom completing a 5K. Some people can run circles around my knowledge of the chemical reactions of food in the body, while others were still eating bagels during break time. Some are social media geniuses who use forums to promote better health to a broader audience. Others couldn't create a funny, educational, and exceptionally well-written blog post on Oreos and pretzels if they were paid to.+

Even our company founder has his limitations. You don't get a double PhD, run two successful businesses, and receive a prestigious Albert Einstein award without some serious brains to back that up. But I'm pretty sure that sentences like, "The fluoridation, chlorination, and bromination of our food and water is an abomination,"--while true-- wasn't exactly a great pick up line at parties back in the day, either.

While these two great guys may not be killer musicians or awesome water-cooler conversationalists, they are doing their part to make a big difference in the world. Their lives are definite proof that one life can make a difference in countless others. 

And while I may not have their brains, I feel inspired to do what I can with what I've been given to continue to share a message of hope through health. Even if I never have my own TV show (a gross injustice to the world, I'm sure), I do have this blog, and I do have my health classes, and I do have friends that I like to introduce to quinoa. And you have families that you can share healthy meals with. And friends that you can exercise with. And enemies you can share this blog with. The point is, we can all do *something* to make a difference in the lives of those we care about.

Here's to a lot of individual changes making for huge corporate changes across America.You decide where to start. As long as it involves getting rid of your leg warmers, you'll have my enthusiastic backing and support.

   +Editor's Note: This may or may not be a reference to one of my first blog posts that landed me my first two out of three followers. Except I am not paid to write them. Though I do accept donations in the form of precious metals, US dollars, free vacations, and Snickers.

10 Things I Hate About Food

ATTENTION, FOUR BLOG READERS: Please consider yourself warned that, in this post, I am going to sound a little crotchety-- like the late, great Andy Rooney. There are so many things I love about my job, but the single most frustrating thing about a career in the wellness industry is the abundance of misinformation and misleading advertisements out there that can derail my students' efforts to lose weight at a time when they are trying their hardest to do just that. There are a lot of food impostors out there that seem like a step in the right direction, when, in reality, they are real metabolism killers or frauds altogether. Their existence really annoys me.

Now, I'm definitely *not* saying I have all the right answers--except for anyone looking for a rationalization of their insatiable love of Oreos--but I do know that there is a lot of baloney out there in the field of wellness. And baloney promotes anything but wellness. Even when it is cooked on a griddle and made to look like a sombrero. Fun, but still worthless.

So here are some foods that really annoy me. I present to you the

10 Things I Hate About Food:

1) Diet Soda.
I probably shouldn't even get started on this one. I know a lot of people use diet soda as a gateway drug into drinking weird stuff like, oh, I don't know, water with lemon and unsweetened green tea. And I applaud the effort. But the fact is, one study showed that just one soda a day--regular or diet--leads to a 30% increase in the likelihood of central weight gain. There are also plenty of studies showing that your body perceives those chemical sugar substitutes the same way it does sugar, which means you really aren't escaping the whole roller coaster effect of high glycemic foods, even though it has less "sugar" than that apple you had for a snack today.

2) The McDonald's "Under 400 Calorie" Menu Items.
Am I the only one who finds it ironic that the home of the Big Mac and Super-Sized fries is sponsoring a game celebrating athletes at the peak of physical fitness? While not all their choices are dietary disasters, the fact that the Filet-O-Fish squeaks in around 390 calories doesn't magically make it the lunch of champions. Or even a viable food choice. Personally, I think Filet-O-Fish should be permanently outlawed. But, even if you love pretend patties of white substances fried and made to look like fish, consider this: with all its low-caloric glory, the sandwich still has a GL of 20. And because you've been reading my blog all along, you know that 20 is the maximum GL recommended for a meal. I guess that means you can't add in those delicious, 370-calorie medium fries now, can you? 
(FUN FACT: The medium fries only have a GL of 22. Given the choice between the two evils, I'd go with the one that tastes good.)
(FURTHER FUN FACT: Does anyone else realize that when you add these two items together, not only do you have a highly caloric meal--blowing the whole point of having a low calorie menu--, but, with a GL like that, you could have had two Snickers bars instead? Think about it.)

3) Big G Cereals.
I just love the abuse of the term "whole grains" on these cereal packages. When doctors and experts recommend that a person eat more whole grains, I'm pretty sure they didn't mean for parents to go grab the Lucky Charms for their kiddos, just because it has the Big G symbol on it that somehow indicates General Mills uses an entire kernel of a random grain in their cereal. They also use a ton of sugar and food coloring, but I guess there's no Big G sign for that. The real magic of Lucky Charms is that they *look* like breakfast, even though there isn't a single redeeming quality about them. Except for those whole grains. Thank God for that corn kernel.

4) Vegetable Soup. 
With this one, you may be starting to question my judgment. What could possibly be wrong with vegetable soup? And don't you base your whole health class on eating soup?

Yes, yes, I do. But the type of soup I advocate always contains protein in it, whether it's chicken or a great vegetarian source like beans. Some of our friends at the Campbell's company believe that it's OK to take a pass on the beans and instead substitute some noodles or cool little pasta letters that create a bad game of floating Scrabble. Combining the higher glycemic nature of pasta without any protein to taper it off is a surefire combination for a blood sugar crash-and-burn. With no sustained energy or any sense of fullness, who would want to eat "healthy"? Not me! I'd rather take the time to make my own soup or be uber careful about the quality of those I buy.

5) Fruit Smoothies.

(See #4 above--it's pretty much the same logic). I love me some summer smoothies, but I absolutely refuse to have one that doesn't contain some yogurt or protein powder in it. My ratio is usually a full serving of my meal replacement shake powder (15 grams of protein, 8 grams of fiber) to 1 cup or less of fruit. And I never add fruit juices, because 

Jennifer +Orange Juice= Buzzed Driving. 

Seriously, most fruit juices, because of their reduced fiber and added sugar, can dramatically increase the GL of any meal. If you don't add yogurt, try milk or just plain water. It works. Really.

Also, some of the stuff being marketed as a fruit smoothie is little more than ice crushed up with a powdered mix,at which point you might as well go indulge in a milkshake. I mean, at least then you know you're doing something bad for your body, instead of pretending that a smoothie with a name like Protein Berry Pizzaz doesn't have a GL of 28....

(FUN FACT: A McDonald's Triple Thick Chocolate Shake actually has 2 g more protein than the Jamba Juice Protein Berry Pizzazz listed above! It's still way worse for you in terms of calories, sugars, and GL, but it just goes to show that even smoothies that sound good for you can be tricky. You should probably just sign up for my class and learn to make your own awesome ones.)

6) Fat-free Foods.
Not all fat is bad fat. And not all fat-free foods are good foods. I would much rather see my health class students eat a "fatty" avocado on their salad than enjoy a slice of French bread with dinner. Before I knew any better, I used the fact that bread and pasta were low-fat foods to feel better about myself whenever I ate them; but I kept noticing that I never looked as low-fat when I did, so I started making changes. I now enjoy lots of fatty foods like guacamole, olive oil, and almonds, and meal replacement shakes with a whopping 7 grams of fat in them. And you know what? My abs are a lot happier with those choices than if I just ate fat-free marshmallows and bread all day. Go figure.
(CAVEAT: Not all fat is good fat, either. And not all fat-free foods are bad foods. I trust that my previous posts and your keen sense of deductive reasoning will work together to make reasonable decisions. I don't think that's asking too much.)

7) Gluten-free, Organic Chocolate Chips.
This to me is just a prime example of buzzword marketing. Just because an item is gluten-free or organic does not mean that it won't have an equally dangerous impact on your blood sugar as its more toxic counterparts. I'd like to think that the manufacturers of these $5-per-bag concoctions put a little extra time into making it better for you all the way around; but I have no guarantees that they did (unless they're dark chocolate). There are plenty of gluten-free or organic items that are still high-glycemic, like rice or chocolate milk. And there are plenty of them that are great for you, like quinoa or grass-fed beef. The point is, you can't trust a product just because it's labeled with healthy terms that are in vogue right now. You have to think for yourself and realize that, if they made something like gluten-free, organic Lucky Charms, they'd probably still be bad for you, even if they had the Big G seal of approval. These qualities are only great in great foods, so don't go racking up your grocery bill on organic potato chips and gluten-free Fruit Roll-ups. Stick to real food that matters, and you'll be ahead of the game.
(BONUS RECIPE: I like gluten-free stuff, I really do. In fact, here is a gluten-free, low-glycemic brownie recipe in which you can use organic chocolate chips if you really want to. Nobody will be suspicious of your healthy baking with this tasty treat.)

8) Granola Bars
 Doesn't a granola bar just *sound* healthy? Well, I've got news for you: they're not. The tricky thing for me is that I strongly advocate the use of convenient snack foods like protein bars in my classes. When students substitute a granola bar in place of a protein bar, they don't realize the full benefits of the lifestyle I'm trying to help them achieve. The thing about granola bars is that some of them are decently low-glycemic, but that still doesn't make them a complete snack. What most of them lack is a protein content anywhere in the ballpark vicinity of 10 grams per snack. (Most have about 2-3 grams of protein, which you can get from an Oreo.) Sure, they're low-cal, and they won't send your blood sugar peaking *too* high, but you won't feel satisfied without long-term satiety caused by protein, and you won't get much of an energy boost, either. Just like ice cream or Oreos, these health-impostors make their way onto a low-glycemic list; but, just as in the case of vegetable soup or fruit smoothies, true health food goes way beyond that. If it's not giving you a great balance of good carbs, lean protein, and a little fiber and fat, it's not really a healthy snack. Sorry.

 9) Dollar Menu Items
I hate the dollar menu for so many reasons. First, because it makes bad "food" (I use that term loosely) look cheap and convenient. Second, because it does not include large McFlurries. Just kidding. I am the first one to understand when someone tells me that they have reservations about the cost of healthy eating, and I usually offer up a lot of frugal suggestions, like adding beans instead of meat to their dishes. But when they are always able to grab a couple of menu items from McDonald's, I have to wonder why they would substitute $2 or $3 worth of stuff that usually comes with a white bun and a fountain drink for a $3.30 meal replacement shake that is guaranteed not to spike their blood sugar and help them lose inches. Plus, the shake is equally convenient as--if not more so--than buzzing through a drive-thru. I don't waste any time or gas rolling out of bed and spending two minutes whipping up the Hub's lunch for the day. AND I still look like a domestic goddess for preparing all his meals. On the other hand, left to his own devices at the drive-thru, there would inevitably be a receipt for a sandwich of some sort, fries of all sorts, and the largest sweet tea a buck can buy. Factor in the long-term consequences of blood sugar abuse, and you tell me which one suddenly looks more affordable. Here I present another helpful equation:

Dollar Menu + Diabetes = Should Have Listened to Jennifer

10)  Activia
OK, this may be one of my most ridiculous inclusions in this list, but hear me out. I am all about probiotics and Live and Active Cultures for good digestive health. But do you really think that, for just $2/four-pack, Activia was able to include the only 2 probiotics that can even stand the stomach's digestive acids to actually give you a health benefit? Factor in the cost of production, advertisement through a celebrity endorsement (if you can call Jamie Lee Curtis a celebrity), and the need to make a profit, and how much quality went  into the ingredients? My guess is somewhere around $.06 per cup. Maybe $.08, because of a lower protein content than Greek yogurt, and the fact that Jamie Lee Curtis probably paid Dannon to let her act again. So, do you really think you can get all the probiotics you need through $.08 worth of quality ingredients? Probably not. Plus, if I was forced to eat act Activia every day, I'd probably have graphic images of Jamie Lee Curtis running through my mind at every serving, which would completely destroy both my digestive and mental wellness. It'd be a total waste of time and money.

Look...even she doesn't look happy eating this stuff.

This now concludes my Andy Rooney rant. You may now return to your regularly scheduled dietary program already in progress. Except if they include any of the items I just warned you about. Then you should discontinue immediately and consult a psychologist about the Jamie Lee thing.
 

How to Lose a Gut in (Less Than) 10 Days

 Unauthorized paparazzi photo of blogger taken at wedding site.

Wanna know the awful thing about being in a wedding? The fact that you work really hard to look your best for the big day, only to completely undo all of your previous efforts in a 72-hour string of celebrations just prior to the ceremony, and you end up looking your worst instead.

I'd done pretty well with my 30-day bridesmaid makeover. Honestly, I'm not a big scale watcher, because I believe health isn't always reflected in a magic number; however, I'd been pretty happy with the way my diet and exercise were helping me bring sexy back, as Justin Timberlake would say. There wasn't a whole lot of sexy to bring back, but I was at least cutting my losses. The week of the wedding, I was feeling pretty decent, and ready to rock a strapless gown without looking like my arms had some built-in floaties attached, or run the risk of getting asked when my due date was.

Then Thursday came. We took the bride-to-be out to Melting Pot, a restaurant dedicated to the glory of fondue in a variety of forms, the most important being cheese and chocolate. I had plenty of both. And maybe more than plenty. There may or may not have been some extra marshmallows that chose not to end their life in an ignominious trash heap, and instead died with dignity by being obliterated in my digestive juices.

And then Friday came. There was a bridesmaids' luncheon and a rehearsal dinner, neither of which consisted of hard-boiled eggs and quinoa. Which I would never expect at a wedding celebration. And I ate the meals with gusto. And I ran out of time to exercise, too.

Enter Saturday morning. The big day was here! Well, at least I had the big part down. I did a few desperate crunches and squats before my early morning hair appointment, but by that time the damage had been done. Thankfully, having fluffy hair and pretty make-up can take my mind off of almost any woe, but, truthfully, I really missed those neat little cuts I was getting on my abs from eating clean and working out. I like to think that I did my part to help the beautiful bride look even more glamorous by comparison.

I can't say that I've done any better since the last slice of wedding cake. We indulged in a few treats with out-of-town guests, and then it was the Hub's birthday. It began with waffles and ended with cookies. It was not pretty. But, while we are all about clean eating around here, I *do* like to spoil the guy on his special day. And, frankly, as much as I love this health scene, I've learned that it's way cooler to take a balanced approach to life and enjoy a birthday or special occasion than be one of those freaks who bakes a cake for a friend and refuses to eat it at her party. And, yes, I've done that. And that is how I know that it is truly a freakish thing to do. People end up thinking you've laced it with arsenic or something.

So, how do I plan to get back on track? Is it really possible to lose a guy gut in 10 days?  The answer is simple: go back to what I was doing before and watch the yuckiness disappear. And, yes, it can be gone in 10 days. Or less.

See, for some reason, whenever we eat foods that send our blood sugar on a roller coaster ride, our body chooses to deposit its newly-minted fat cells right where we want them least: our bellies. Frankly, I have a number of other suggestions of where to put it, but it never seems to work that way. And you know the worst part about having fat added to our waistline? Other than the fact that muffin tops are not--nor ever will be--in vogue? Abdominal fat actually puts us at a much higher risk for a bunch of diseases like diabetes, heart disease, and even cancer. Even if we aren't clinically obese or anything like that, a larger waist size (greater than 35 inches for us ladies) is a big problem. I mean, who wants to increase their risk of dying from heart disease by 300%, or risk of metabolic syndrome by close to 400%? And try this one on for size:

"Women with waist sizes of 35 inches or more were found to be 79% more likely to die from all causes of mortality at a given age compared to women with the smallest waist sizes (28 inches or less)."

Yikes! I sure don't want to lose in the game of Life to some skinny girl who can still shop at 5-7-9, do you?

I say we level the playing field a bit and take the skinny girls down with us.

Anyway, the beautiful thing about low-glycemic eating is that it converts food into fuel, not fat. And when we don't have to find somewhere to stash all those extra fat cells, we can let our glucagon do its job as a fat-burning hormone, and watch our waistlines waist waste away. And it really works. Fast. Our bodies are incredibly responsive to changes in food intake. I mean, part of my belly is already gone because I'm not cramming it with fondue and cake everyday. Add in consciously good choices to the lack of bad choices, and you've got yourself a flatter gut in no time.

Believe me, I'm not making this up. The average health class student who modifies their eating to include two certified low-glycemic meal-replacement shakes a day, complemented by a protein-laden soup for dinner loses 5 pounds in just one week. Better yet, that weight is coming off where it counts, right in the old mid-section. I love the fact that they can satisfy their desire to be thin and decrease their risk for disease all at once. Killing two birds with one stone never looked better.

Now that all our events are over, it's back to the old grindstone for yours truly. I'll gladly trade in my waffles for eggs, and my fondue for a summer smoothie. And I'll trade in my gut for those cuts I was working on. You know what? Losing a gut in 10 days isn't a bad payoff for a little discipline.


Bonus Tip: Care to join me in a 10-day challenge? Follow this handy-dandy link to register for a 10-Day Jumpstart to a healthier you. You'll get lots of awesome online education, as well as the ability to do one-on-one phone coaching with yours truly, who, incidentally, *is* as fabulous and weird in real life as I am on this blog. When you register, tell them the crazy blogger girl sent you. That ought to scare them into processing your request more effectively.

Balancing Act: A Guide to Creating the Perfect Meal Combination. And An Apology For Not Telling You About This Earlier.

Have you ever been annoyed by someone who mentions something in passing during conversation and never makes reference to it again, even though that very passing statement was the thing that interested you most? For instance:

You: "I love shopping at Ross! I found the best dress there!"

Annoying Person: "Yeah, and I found this really great navy suit there for my upcoming trial for holding my baby over a balcony like Michael Jackson. It was only $30! Say, we should go back sometime for pumps! I still need those for my suit. Unless you have any I could borrow...can we look in your shoe closet?"

You (sputtering): Um, sure...is black OK?"

Annoying Person: "Well, I don't know...what do you think? I was going to try for navy to match the suit, but do you think black would work? My silver heels are too flashy. Too bad, though...I got those for $7."

In the meantime, you could care less about the shoes. You are just wondering why your friend hung her baby over the balcony. And why in the world she would want to imitate Michael Jackson. And if now would be a good time to inform her that one of the Neverland Ranch pet tigers just died.

Anyway, I think I may have been that annoying person in my last blog. I kind of did this whole "balance proteins with carbs" spiel, and then never really followed through so you knew why that was part of my 30-day bridesmaid makeover. So, to avoid being likened to a psychotic King of Pop imitator, today's blog is following up on that, er, dangling thought.

One of the most critical elements that I stress in my health class is including both protein and carbohydrates in every meal and snack. And I am a little bit of a Journal Nazi about it when I review a person's diary that reveals that they only included one or the other in their snack time. I know that my students are trying to be really healthy, and that for them to list their snack as being an apple or watermelon instead of King-sized bag of M&M's is a huge step in the right direction. But, I also know that fruit alone just won't cut it. And when they swap out their Cheetos for a cheese stick, I'm really proud of them, but I remind them that something is missing.

The truth is, our bodies desperately need both components to survive. It really is a balancing act. While I may be a huge advocate for the elimination of processed carbohydrates like rice and white bread, I won't tell them to eat as much bacon as they want in lieu of their favorite bag of potato chips. This isn't Atkins 1.0.  My students aren't supposed to be afraid of the GL of watermelon or apples or carrots. In fact, according to the developers of my class curriculum, doing so is downright dangerous. Consider this sobering information:

Fun Fact: In a review of diet participants on an eating plan similar to the high-protein/low-carbohydrate Atkins diet, all participants who lost weight still had the same percentage of body fat at the end of their weight loss that they did going into it. Instead, participants lost water weight, glycogen stores, and muscle mass, but no real fat was burned off.

Translation: When deprived of the glycogen fuel stores that your body obtains from carbohydrates, your system turns on itself like some creepy alien child in a sci-fi movie. Once it works its way through water weight and the three-day supply of glycogen reserves, it starts literally eating itself, feeding off your muscle as fuel, which is pretty darn gross. And it doesn't even eat the fat off to take care of the real problem. So it's pretty much pointless.

I'm not a huge proponent of my students literally wasting away. Or of creepy alien sci-fi movies. So, I make sure they are replenishing their glycogen stores all the time by the inclusion of clean carbs with every lean protein source. And since many protein sources have little to no GL, they can still stay easily within their target GL range of 10 or less, while giving their bodies extra fiber that protein just can't provide.

But I don't want to see them eat only to fuel their glycogen stores, either. If glycogen is the fuel source of the body, the muscles are the metabolic engine. Just having an apple as a snack or a salad as a meal isn't really accomplishing anything, either. And that's where protein comes in.

Protein helps build the muscles that my students develop through a more active lifestyle, and when that happens, their bodies can literally burn fat while they sleep. As if that weren't awesome enough, protein is also the critical element in making their new healthy lifestyle sustainable. When a student seems to be struggling with dropping energy levels or constant hunger, I can almost bet you that they are eating only rabbit food and neglecting their protein intake. I hate seeing a journal that lists a salad for lunch. Unless that bad boy has some grilled chicken or chopped eggs on it, there is no way two cups of lettuce and a cucumber is going to get you through the demands of a work day. And since I don't want my girls ever going hungry, I hate to see them think that 3 celery sticks is all they need to survive. That is absolutely the quickest way to shut down your metabolism, my friends. It's amazing how a little Greek yogurt ranch dip or a couple of eggs added to that celery will carry you! Protein promotes satiety and gives you the stamina to power through until the next meal, and it is the best insurance policy against a metabolic crash.

So, in a perfect world, what does a good combination look like?*

• Crustless quiche with a side of fruit
• An apple dipped in Greek yogurt
• Cottage cheese with fresh pineapple
• Diced hard-boiled eggs on salad loaded with veggies of your choice
• Air-popped popcorn sprinkled with Parmesan cheese
• Black Bean soup
• Grilled chicken with bell peppers and pineapple
• Grilled fish with a side of quinoa
• Deli turkey wrapped around a few pickle spears (don't knock it 'til you try it)
• Caramel Turtle Nut Brownie with milk (no, seriously, it's good for you!)

*Thanks to my friends Bob and Vicki Mihaylov at Trinity Health Weight Loss for these fabulous ideas...it's highly unlikely I would have come up with ideas nearly that good. I mean, I don't see Cinnabon with Cream Cheese Frosting on here (cream cheese is protein, right?), so I'm pretty sure my ideas would have been a little sketchy....

OK, well I hope that this little post has cleared things up a bit and not left you lying awake at night with unanswered questions. Except for the enticing part about the brownie. I guess I'm more annoying than I thought.