Now, I'm definitely *not* saying I have all the right answers--except for anyone looking for a rationalization of their insatiable love of Oreos--but I do know that there is a lot of baloney out there in the field of wellness. And baloney promotes anything but wellness. Even when it is cooked on a griddle and made to look like a sombrero. Fun, but still worthless.
So here are some foods that really annoy me. I present to you the
10 Things I Hate About Food:
1) Diet Soda.
I probably shouldn't even get started on this one. I know a lot of people use diet soda as a gateway drug into drinking weird stuff like, oh, I don't know, water with lemon and unsweetened green tea. And I applaud the effort. But the fact is, one study showed that just one soda a day--regular or diet--leads to a 30% increase in the likelihood of central weight gain. There are also plenty of studies showing that your body perceives those chemical sugar substitutes the same way it does sugar, which means you really aren't escaping the whole roller coaster effect of high glycemic foods, even though it has less "sugar" than that apple you had for a snack today.
2) The McDonald's "Under 400 Calorie" Menu Items.
Am I the only one who finds it ironic that the home of the Big Mac and Super-Sized fries is sponsoring a game celebrating athletes at the peak of physical fitness? While not all their choices are dietary disasters, the fact that the Filet-O-Fish squeaks in around 390 calories doesn't magically make it the lunch of champions. Or even a viable food choice. Personally, I think Filet-O-Fish should be permanently outlawed. But, even if you love pretend patties of white substances fried and made to look like fish, consider this: with all its low-caloric glory, the sandwich still has a GL of 20. And because you've been reading my blog all along, you know that 20 is the maximum GL recommended for a meal. I guess that means you can't add in those delicious, 370-calorie medium fries now, can you?
(FUN FACT: The medium fries only have a GL of 22. Given the choice between the two evils, I'd go with the one that tastes good.)
(FURTHER FUN FACT: Does anyone else realize that when you add these two items together, not only do you have a highly caloric meal--blowing the whole point of having a low calorie menu--, but, with a GL like that, you could have had two Snickers bars instead? Think about it.)
3) Big G Cereals.
I just love the abuse of the term "whole grains" on these cereal packages. When doctors and experts recommend that a person eat more whole grains, I'm pretty sure they didn't mean for parents to go grab the Lucky Charms for their kiddos, just because it has the Big G symbol on it that somehow indicates General Mills uses an entire kernel of a random grain in their cereal. They also use a ton of sugar and food coloring, but I guess there's no Big G sign for that. The real magic of Lucky Charms is that they *look* like breakfast, even though there isn't a single redeeming quality about them. Except for those whole grains. Thank God for that corn kernel.
4) Vegetable Soup.
With this one, you may be starting to question my judgment. What could possibly be wrong with vegetable soup? And don't you base your whole health class on eating soup?
Yes, yes, I do. But the type of soup I advocate always contains protein in it, whether it's chicken or a great vegetarian source like beans. Some of our friends at the Campbell's company believe that it's OK to take a pass on the beans and instead substitute some noodles or cool little pasta letters that create a bad game of floating Scrabble. Combining the higher glycemic nature of pasta without any protein to taper it off is a surefire combination for a blood sugar crash-and-burn. With no sustained energy or any sense of fullness, who would want to eat "healthy"? Not me! I'd rather take the time to make my own soup or be uber careful about the quality of those I buy.
5) Fruit Smoothies.
(See #4 above--it's pretty much the same logic). I love me some summer smoothies, but I absolutely refuse to have one that doesn't contain some yogurt or protein powder in it. My ratio is usually a full serving of my meal replacement shake powder (15 grams of protein, 8 grams of fiber) to 1 cup or less of fruit. And I never add fruit juices, because
Jennifer +Orange Juice= Buzzed Driving.
Seriously, most fruit juices, because of their reduced fiber and added sugar, can dramatically increase the GL of any meal. If you don't add yogurt, try milk or just plain water. It works. Really.
Also, some of the stuff being marketed as a fruit smoothie is little more than ice crushed up with a powdered mix,at which point you might as well go indulge in a milkshake. I mean, at least then you know you're doing something bad for your body, instead of pretending that a smoothie with a name like Protein Berry Pizzaz doesn't have a GL of 28....
(FUN FACT: A McDonald's Triple Thick Chocolate Shake actually has 2 g more protein than the Jamba Juice Protein Berry Pizzazz listed above! It's still way worse for you in terms of calories, sugars, and GL, but it just goes to show that even smoothies that sound good for you can be tricky. You should probably just sign up for my class and learn to make your own awesome ones.)6) Fat-free Foods.
Not all fat is bad fat. And not all fat-free foods are good foods. I would much rather see my health class students eat a "fatty" avocado on their salad than enjoy a slice of French bread with dinner. Before I knew any better, I used the fact that bread and pasta were low-fat foods to feel better about myself whenever I ate them; but I kept noticing that I never looked as low-fat when I did, so I started making changes. I now enjoy lots of fatty foods like guacamole, olive oil, and almonds, and meal replacement shakes with a whopping 7 grams of fat in them. And you know what? My abs are a lot happier with those choices than if I just ate fat-free marshmallows and bread all day. Go figure.
(CAVEAT: Not all fat is good fat, either. And not all fat-free foods are bad foods. I trust that my previous posts and your keen sense of deductive reasoning will work together to make reasonable decisions. I don't think that's asking too much.)
7) Gluten-free, Organic Chocolate Chips.
This to me is just a prime example of buzzword marketing. Just because an item is gluten-free or organic does not mean that it won't have an equally dangerous impact on your blood sugar as its more toxic counterparts. I'd like to think that the manufacturers of these $5-per-bag concoctions put a little extra time into making it better for you all the way around; but I have no guarantees that they did (unless they're dark chocolate). There are plenty of gluten-free or organic items that are still high-glycemic, like rice or chocolate milk. And there are plenty of them that are great for you, like quinoa or grass-fed beef. The point is, you can't trust a product just because it's labeled with healthy terms that are in vogue right now. You have to think for yourself and realize that, if they made something like gluten-free, organic Lucky Charms, they'd probably still be bad for you, even if they had the Big G seal of approval. These qualities are only great in great foods, so don't go racking up your grocery bill on organic potato chips and gluten-free Fruit Roll-ups. Stick to real food that matters, and you'll be ahead of the game.
(BONUS RECIPE: I like gluten-free stuff, I really do. In fact, here is a gluten-free, low-glycemic brownie recipe in which you can use organic chocolate chips if you really want to. Nobody will be suspicious of your healthy baking with this tasty treat.)
8) Granola Bars
Doesn't a granola bar just *sound* healthy? Well, I've got news for you: they're not. The tricky thing for me is that I strongly advocate the use of convenient snack foods like protein bars in my classes. When students substitute a granola bar in place of a protein bar, they don't realize the full benefits of the lifestyle I'm trying to help them achieve. The thing about granola bars is that some of them are decently low-glycemic, but that still doesn't make them a complete snack. What most of them lack is a protein content anywhere in the ballpark vicinity of 10 grams per snack. (Most have about 2-3 grams of protein, which you can get from an Oreo.) Sure, they're low-cal, and they won't send your blood sugar peaking *too* high, but you won't feel satisfied without long-term satiety caused by protein, and you won't get much of an energy boost, either. Just like ice cream or Oreos, these health-impostors make their way onto a low-glycemic list; but, just as in the case of vegetable soup or fruit smoothies, true health food goes way beyond that. If it's not giving you a great balance of good carbs, lean protein, and a little fiber and fat, it's not really a healthy snack. Sorry.
9) Dollar Menu Items
I hate the dollar menu for so many reasons. First, because it makes bad "food" (I use that term loosely) look cheap and convenient. Second, because it does not include large McFlurries. Just kidding. I am the first one to understand when someone tells me that they have reservations about the cost of healthy eating, and I usually offer up a lot of frugal suggestions, like adding beans instead of meat to their dishes. But when they are always able to grab a couple of menu items from McDonald's, I have to wonder why they would substitute $2 or $3 worth of stuff that usually comes with a white bun and a fountain drink for a $3.30 meal replacement shake that is guaranteed not to spike their blood sugar and help them lose inches. Plus, the shake is equally convenient as--if not more so--than buzzing through a drive-thru. I don't waste any time or gas rolling out of bed and spending two minutes whipping up the Hub's lunch for the day. AND I still look like a domestic goddess for preparing all his meals. On the other hand, left to his own devices at the drive-thru, there would inevitably be a receipt for a sandwich of some sort, fries of all sorts, and the largest sweet tea a buck can buy. Factor in the long-term consequences of blood sugar abuse, and you tell me which one suddenly looks more affordable. Here I present another helpful equation:
Dollar Menu + Diabetes = Should Have Listened to Jennifer
OK, this may be one of my most ridiculous inclusions in this list, but hear me out. I am all about probiotics and Live and Active Cultures for good digestive health. But do you really think that, for just $2/four-pack, Activia was able to include the only 2 probiotics that can even stand the stomach's digestive acids to actually give you a health benefit? Factor in the cost of production, advertisement through a celebrity endorsement (if you can call Jamie Lee Curtis a celebrity), and the need to make a profit, and how much quality went into the ingredients? My guess is somewhere around $.06 per cup. Maybe $.08, because of a lower protein content than Greek yogurt, and the fact that Jamie Lee Curtis probably paid Dannon to let her act again. So, do you really think you can get all the probiotics you need through $.08 worth of quality ingredients? Probably not. Plus, if I was forced to eat act Activia every day, I'd probably have graphic images of Jamie Lee Curtis running through my mind at every serving, which would completely destroy both my digestive and mental wellness. It'd be a total waste of time and money.
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| Look...even she doesn't look happy eating this stuff. |
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