Of Weddings and Waistlines: My 30-day Bridesmaid's Dress Makeover Plan

Today marks the one month countdown to the wedding of two dear friends of mine. It also marks the six-day deadline to my second bridesmaids' dress fitting. I am thrilled about the one, and dreading the other. I think you should be able to tell which I am looking forward to and which I am not. I mean, at one I get to eat cake, and at the other, any cake I've eaten can and will be used against me in a court o flaw. (I just made that one up myself.)

We've all been there before. Whether it's a company function or our ten-year high school reunion that you bought a dress for two months ago and thought, "I'll fit into it by then...," our lives are kind of marked by events that we should look forward to, but can't because we're not happy with our bodies. Thankfully, my friend has good taste and picked out dresses that were not only super cute, but very forgiving A-lines, so I should be able to skate by this wedding unscathed. That doesn't stop me, though, from wanting to crash-diet my way through the next month to see if I can't distract the pianist just a little bit during the ceremony. (The Hubs is the pianist, so I promise it's a completely legitimate goal.) But I know better than to do the typical skip-breakfast-and-subsist-on-carrots-and-rice-cakes thing. Instead, it's consistently applying what I already know to work. So here's my grand plan for wedding weight loss success:

Step #1: Eat more. 

OK, by a show of hands, how many of you went and checked my health teacher credentials when you read this? While it seems counter-intuitive to think that eating more can actually help your weight loss efforts, nothing could be more effective. Food is our body's fuel source, like the gasoline in our cars. Who waits until their low-fuel light is on to pump gas? (Confession: I actually drove over 20 miles of interstate with my low-fuel light on one time. God probably didn't mind it too much, because I'm pretty sure I had to pray the whole way home...) But when we *do* run our cars on fumes, they don't perform nearly as well as when they're topped off and ready to ride.

Our bodies are pretty much the same way. If you wait to eat until you're hungry, your body's low-fuel light has already come on. Your metabolism is no longer running at peak efficiency, and that means it's going to cling to those fat reserves like spandex to a muffin top. Neither scenario is pretty, my friends.

Once you're running on fumes, it's better to fill 'er up than to just put five bucks in, or you'll find yourself in the same pinch before you know it.  When you're running on empty, your poor little brain sends out an SOS to your body, because the little guy thinks he's drowning. He'll make you crave anything to get his sugar level back up to where he can function, and that's when something sugary that you know you shouldn't have suddenly look very appealing. The only problem with that is, once the brain has its quick fix, it'll be high as a kite for a while until it suddenly crashes again, and you'll be locked in some vicious cycle of grabbing a survival Snickers every time you start slowing down, and that, my friends, while tasty, is *not* the way to rock a bridesmaid's dress.

But I thought you said to eat more!!!  She is such a frustrating blogger, you may be thinking to yourself. But, relax. I got this. You know how they say it's easier to fill up a gas tank that's already almost full? The same principle applies here. The key is not eating more bad food that promotes an endless cycle of five-buck stops that leave you limping along on low-fuel until the next gas station, but rather topping off every time you eat with quality foods that never run you down to the low-fuel light in the first place.. Those fill-ups, by the way, should happen about once every three hours. And they should *not* be Snickers bars. Or even the highly-acclaimed Oreos of blog posts pasts. No, your body deserves premium grade gasoline, which, in food terms, is a combination of protein and carbohydrates every time you eat.

So, what does my rock-a-dress-while-eating-all-the-time menu look like? For me, it starts with a good meal-replacement shake that is totally balanced with protein for long-term energy and fullness and carbs for that little jolt to get me going. It also has a lot of fiber, which gets other things going, but I digress. They've done actual clinical studies with these bad boys, and the results are amazing. Besides, I adore these shakes, especially when I mix them up with a little fat-free cream cheese and vanilla extract on ice. I found the recipe on this website, but I'm pretty sure God made it up Himself, because it is heavenly. (Yes, I write all my own material.)

It also looks like summer fruit and Greek yogurt, a killer quiche recipe with a side salad, or hard-boiled eggs with raw veggies. For dinner, it may be a black bean soup or grilled chicken with peppers and pineapple. Oh, and the most flipping awesome healthy brownie for dessert. (I'm keeping *that* recipe under wraps...but I got your attention, didn't I?) Are you seeing the pattern here? There is protein and fresh, unprocessed carbohydrates in every choice, and you wouldn't believe how many Snickers bars I can resist when I eat like this (not that the brownies don't help..)! And I get to eat all the time! How awesome is that?

So, what does my plan NOT look like? Deprivation, hunger, and "give-me-the-Snickers-and-no-one-gets-hurt" moments. I never have to run on low fuel, and I never have to make crappy choices, because I know I'm just a couple of hours away from filling food. And brownies.

So, wish me luck, my friends. And, if you care to, join me in my makeover! Just write a comment or post to my Facebook page, and let me know you're up for eating a lot and losing weight, too! I'll teach you everything I know. And I may even share that brownie recipe with you.

PLAN B: If all else fails, shock them with an ugly dress. Nobody will be thinking about your weight then.