Why I Don't Like Runner Chicks, But Want to Be One, Anyway

RUNNING: What I think I look like

What I really look like

Does the cover of Runner's World Magazine ever strike anybody as some cruel form of false advertisement? I always feel so inspired looking at the perfect forms of chicks half my weight and twice my speed. Though I *do* get mad when they finish a race and down a half-dozen bagels and *still* look better than I do, even though they probably don't have the faintest idea of what the GL of an average bagel is.  I get out there and try to move with the same grace and speed, picturing myself with that sports-bra only physique, and the fact that I missed out on the opportunity to land my Dad's athletic genes strikes me again with fresh force. (Please see photo above for a study in contrasts.) Nevertheless, I just finished an 8-mile run. But before you lump me in with those people and start writing me nasty fan mail advising me to only talk about the superiority of Oreos to pretzels, let me tell you my story.

I've NEVER been a runner. I was one of those smart kids who never failed any test but the Presidential Physical Fitness Test because I would take too long to complete that seemingly endless mile we had to do to show we were fit. Or I couldn't do that one pull-up required of 6th-grade girls. Or I got obliterated in the sprints. Either way, I was the quintessential dweeb who knew that I wouldn't be getting to any college on an athletic scholarship, unless there was one for playing whiffle ball in a skirt. Which would have been totally awesome.

I should have known something was wrong when we went to the gym and did some running on our honeymoon. I quickly discovered that the problem with being married to a Type-A like Jon is that all his Type-A friends only fed into his goal setting trends. Three months after our wedding, Jon came home excited to tell me that his work team wanted to do a 5K together. I thought 5Ks were something only real athletes did, not two geeky kids who had had spent their high school years at band camps and piano recitals.

Enter the Couch to 5K Plan. It took me from pathetic girl who felt winded after a 30-second sprint to someone who could endure 30 minutes of one of my least favorite activities.  While I beat Jon at our first 5K, and kept trying to run with other friends who seemed to love it, I always found myself having to *try* to like it. At the most, I could handle 4 miles without dying of either exhaustion or boredom.

So don't ask me why I thought that running a half marathon sounded like a good idea. I'm not sure if I have a little more of Jon's Type-A than I care to admit, or if all my running friends finally rubbed off on me, but I decided late last year that it was worth checking off my bucket list. Having a few girls who were crazy enough to agree that it "sounded like a good idea at the time" helped me start to enjoy getting out there three days a week and running just a few miles. From there, we've added a mile to our last run of the week until a girl who had never moved anywhere beyond four miles just finished a run twice that length.

Do I still get winded? Um, yes. I live for the walk break that comes after my first two miles. Am I fast? Um, heck no. I've seen people complete marathons in less time than it will probably take me to finish half that distance. Do I still look as awful as that retina-burning picture in the upper right corner? All the time. My endurance is way better, but my Irish skin is pretty unforgiving, and whether I run a mile or eight, I always look like I've been burned in a horrible tanning bed accident.Will I ever look like the girl on the cover of the magazine? I'm going to go out on a limb here and say "NEVER."

You know the crazy thing, though? I'm really starting to like it. And even if I didn't, seeing a drop of 4% in my body fat percentage on the scale the other day is motivation enough to keep at it. And it's coming off from my most prominent feature, a derriere that makes even Beyonce's bootylicious figure look boyish.  And my family inheritance of thunder thighs and hippo hips seems to be diminishing, too. I like to flatter myself and think that I am doing the world a favor by making myself a little less startling to look at for everyone.

Not that the results should surprise me. There's a reason your doctor tells you diet AND exercise are the key to long-term weight loss. And it may not be as simple as the calories in, calories out we've all been conditioned to believe. Actually, any aerobic activity we do actually boosts our body's sensitivity to insulin. Remember insulin from our last talk? That's the stuff our body tries to dump into muscles, who sometimes have a nasty habit of rejecting them. Well, when we do an aerobic activity like running--or even walking--our muscles are forced become a lot more receptive to the insulin, and we don't end up feeding our unwanted fat cells (insulin's preferred home-away-from home) quite so much. And in case you think I'm making this stuff up, check out the results of this study: people who walked 5 days a week for 30-40 minutes a day actually lost an average of 13 pounds over 3 months without changing their eating habits. AND they had a marked increase in their insulin sensitivity. The bottom line: their bodies were delivering insulin way more efficiently than they had done before without consistent aerobic activity.

It kind of explains, too, why all those skinny runner chicks seem to be able to eat whatever they want without gaining weight. Their bodies are just better at not storing up their food as fat, but as a usable fuel for their muscles. Case in point: On a recent vacation, Jon and I consistently hit the gym in the morning to go running. When I went and hit up the breakfast buffet afterward, those waffles--considered a forbidden fruit under normal circumstances-- had about half the effect on my blood sugar (and consequently my waistline!) as they would have without my insulin sensitivity being raised.

So the next time you find yourself like me *trying* to like walking or running, think about your body thanking you with a runner chick metabolism.  While our bodies will thank us in so many ways--better heart health, less stress, improved circulation--let's face it, wearing the skinny jeans make the challenge *really*  worth it.