I Just Ate Gelato for Lunch. But You Should Probably Just Have Cheesecake.

Today I ate gelato for lunch.  This probably makes me the worst health class teacher in the world. In that case, I will be truly glad if the whole Mayan apocalype comes to pass tomorrow, because then I only have to live one day with the infamy of being forever labeled as The Health Coach Who Ate Gelato for Lunch, the wellness industry's equivalent of a scarlet letter. Check out what happened to one coach in an identical similar situation:

The wellness crowd can be pretty brutal, forcing offenders to suffer through public humiliation in the form of ugly shoes and threats of coconut almond milk.

I really didn't intend to have ice cream for lunch. And I don't really have an excuse for doing so, either. Other than the fact that the Hubs and I just came back from a weekend cruise filled with more-than-you-can-eat dining options that tend to trigger off a cycle of sharp blood sugar rises and crashes that lead to carb cravings. Other than the fact that, in the three full days since we've returned, we've had three different food-laden celebrations to attend. Other than the fact that my earliest bed time in the past couple of nights has been 2:30am, with an average sleep time of under 5 hours--which can really mess with a girl's hunger and satiety hormones. Other than the fact that I haven't exercised all week, which can also impair a girl's sensitivity to insulin and keep the cravings coming in full force. 

In short, I pretty much haven't done anything smart enough to stop it. Please, people, if you're reading this, don't be an idiot with your health in the days leading up to Christmas. Or the Mayan Apocalypse. Sleep well, eat some veggies to balance off that 5-lb bag of candy you won at the office gift exchange, and take a walk around the block to look at Christmas lights. Every smart thing you do helps. And, clearly, every smart thing you fail to do adds up, too.

You know what I should have had for lunch? Cheesecake. I'm not out-and-out *advocating* that you replace your salad with it, but I might be a little serious. People malign this sumptuous dessert because of its high fat and calorie count, but I'm here to tell you that not everything that tastes good is bad for you. Especially when you transform it into a healthy slice of glory like my friends at Trinity Health Weight Loss did. I made a couple of modifications improvements to their original recipe, so that this dessert makeover can fly under the radar at your next big party. Or potluck. Or lunch.

I've even given you the breakdown of what makes it so balanced, just in case people start looking at you all judgey and whatnot while they eat their tofu.

                                           Chocolate Swirl Cheesecake Ingredients
Protein Powerhouses:           1 lb. nonfat cottage *or* ricotta cheese
                                            1 lb. nonfat cream cheese
                                            1 1/2 c. vanilla Greek yogurt
                                            3 eggs
Fab Fiber:                             3 T. Fibergy (or 6 T. special-order hi-maize resistant cornstarch)
Safe Sweeteners:                  1 1/4 c Stevia
                                            2 tsp. vanilla
                                            1 T. cocoa powder
                                            6 oz. dark chocolate chips (What happens to the other 6 oz is up to you)
Don't Panic:                          1/4 c. butter 
                                                       
                                            How-to-guide on making your dessert awesome:

• Preheat oven to 325 degrees.
• Use an electric mixer to beat both cheeses until creamy.
• Beat in stevia and eggs.
• Beat in Fibergy and vanilla.
• Stir in butter and Greek yogurt at low speed.
• In a separate bowl, melt chocolate chips in the microwave and stir in cocoa powder.
• Separate half of the batter into another separate bowl, and add chocolatey goodness.
• In a lightly greased 9-inch springform pan, pour the vanilla batter first.
• Add chocolate batter, and drag a knife through the entire mixture for a super awesome marbled effect. (Note: Most of the time, my cheesecake ends up looking like it has a top layer of chocolate, and a bottom layer of vanilla, more than a super awesome marbled effect. But, it's OK. It still tastes super awesome.)
• Bake for 1 hr. 15 min, or until it passes the toothpick test. THEN, turn oven off and let cake cool in oven for 2 1/2-3 hours. (I can't tell you how many times I've forgotten that step.)
• Chill well, remove from pan, and cut into 16 servings.
• Enjoy the awesomeness and remember to share.

 
 

With any luck, your cheesecake should come out looking like this:

 

 

 

And with any guts, you should be able to tell all those tofu-eating losers to go see if their precious soy plant can give them such a tasty snack for under 200 calories and an impressively low 6 GL. And when they come back with a resounding yes, remind them that the key word was "tasty." And then come back and thank me for being the worst health class teacher in the world.

Full Disclosure: Yes, my decision to eat gelato for lunch was shameful. But it still was tasty.

                                              

 

                                            

                                            

Thanksgiving Survival Guide: Give Your Body the Bird. No, Not *That* Bird.

I can hardly believe Thanksgiving is just a week away. If someone figures out what happened to the rest of 2012, please let me know. I thought I would make it my healthiest year on record. And, to be sure, there *were* the half-marathon and the bridesmaid makeover. And there were also the Cinnabon and the Ben & Jerry's incident. And now, according to the Mayans, we are now down to about one month of making our lives count before the world comes crashing down. All I know is I don't want to spend my last days being any fatter than I have to be. I wanna look amazing when the world ends. Thankfully, I don't buy the Mayan scheme, because I have a long way to go before I can really rock the corpse look in style.


But anyway. 

Being healthy isn't about to get any easier. The Hubs and I have roughly 1.5 million highly-caloric events in the next two months, including a weekend cruise we're taking to escape the holiday madness. Being an amazing procrastinator, I am just now struck by how extremely urgent it is to reign in the holiday binge fest if I don't want our ship to go down like the Titanic. 

You may be in the same boat. (No, not *that* boat.) Worried that one day of feasting and football may cause your cocktail dress for the office party to look like one of Serena Williams' tennis outfits? It doesn't have to end that way. I'm here to tell you that there is a holiday makeover for just about every staple dish on the Thanksgiving table. Let's take a look at some simple ways to make your Turkey Day a little easier on the waistline.

Give Your Body the Bird. I'm serious. The centerpiece of the American feast is actually the single best thing you can give yourself during your holiday celebrations. Packing an impressive 24 grams of protein per 3 oz. serving, this 0 GL food promises to help lower the overall blood sugar impact of your meal.Will it negate having 3 helpings of mashed potatoes and 5 slices of pie? Um, no. But pure protein like this is much slower to digest than its carby counterparts, and it kind of leads by example in helping the other stuff to slow down its conversion into glucose, too. Plus, if you have some on your plate every time you go back for seconds (OK, sixths), you'll have less room for other poor choices that usually define a good holiday. 

I hope I don't ruffle too many feathers when I tell you that your best choice is to eat the white meat of the turkey without the skin. (Actually, I probably irritated you more by making such a lame turkey joke.) There are two reasons for making this choice : a) dark meat and skin contain additional fat without additional protein, giving you no real health benefits and b) it seriously just tastes so much better. Leave the drumstick for your least favorite relative.

Bill had always *suspected* that Grandma liked the other kids better, but when he got the drumstick at this year's dinner, his dream of inheriting the beach house died along with the little bird he had always called Tom.

Choose Sides.  To be honest, side dishes can get pretty sketchy at these meals. I mean, at what other time of year is it OK to desecrate the wholesome goodness of vegetables by drowning them in cream of mushroom soup and topping them with other fried vegetables? And who first thought it was appropriate to jam bread crumbs up into the...uh....cavity....of a dead bird? 

My advice: Reform the sides you can, and pick favorites among the ones beyond help.The *really* good news in all of this is that not every side dish has to be a dietary nightmare. If you're in charge of bringing a side dish to the family table, could I make a couple of suggestions? There are healthy versions of mashed potatoes *and* stuffing, both of which are a tasty improvement upon their traditional counterparts. Frankly, these aren't coming to my family dinner, where healthy makeovers are rejected faster than a screenplay for a Lindsey Lohan biopic. But your family may be more open to these things, so I'll share them anyway:

Quinoa Stuffing:  A Thanksgiving staple goes from dietary pitfall to protein-packed superfood using this ancient South American grain. Drowning in mushrooms and creamy broth, you would never know that your stuffing substitute was actually good for you.

Low GL Garlic Mashed Potatoes: Once again, my friends at Trinity Health Weight Loss have come up with an easy, tasty recipe makeover. Cut the GL of mashed potatoes down from 16 to 9 with this protein-laced potato and cauliflower blend. For an additional way of keeping your family from becoming suspicious, try topping it off with some low-fat cheddar cheese.
                                                                

Now, if your family is like mine, and the arrival of glorified rabbit food will lead to the start of WWIII, you might just need to pick and choose among the options you have. In my world, this might mean passing up store-bought dinner rolls in favor of a small helping of my Mom's mashed potatoes. Or pretending like Durkee fried onions aren't all that great on green beans, anyway, just so I can sneak in a little stuffing. Although I'm not really sure I can lie to myself like that. 

If you can't possibly choose favorites among the side dishes, have a super small serving of everything. The beautiful thing about GL math is that you can reduce your portion size of any item down to a small enough amount where it's no longer that bad for you. It may mean you have 1/4 cup of unreformed mashed potatoes to whittle the GL down to 4, leaving you wiggle room for other goodies, like that spoonful of  Stovetop stuffing you can't live without, even though you just found out that the GL is 13 per 1/2 cup. So, yeah, maybe an 1/8 cup would be about right. And that makes me depressed. Maybe I'll skip the mashed potatoes in favor of more stuffing. And you can do the same. Or not. It's up to you to distribute the approximately 20 GL you have for your meal however you like best.


Save the Best for Last: After you've managed not to gorge yourself on the meal, you may be tempted to sneak in a little dessert during clean up. Don't. If you're smart, you'll wait a couple of hours to start in on dessert for two reasons: 

1) Um. You just finished your meal. You don't really need to eat more now. Let your body enjoy not being stuffed to the gills for once. And avoid Aunt Edna's snide remarks like, "How could you possibly eat another bite? I won't be hungry for weeks after those three celery sticks."

2) When you eat dessert immediately after a meal, the GL of both the meal and the dessert are combined, making it easy to have two modest GLs that combine for one that's way over the top. (Example: You have a 16 GL meal and then immediately have an 11 GL dessert, like this gluten-free, low-glycemic pumpkin pie. Well, now you're at 27 GL total, and your waistline isn't happy, even though both choices individually were reasonable.) By waiting a couple of hours, your meal should be properly digested and converted into however much sugar it's going to make. After the magic 2-hour mark, your GL count essentially zeroes out, meaning you *could*  have 15-20 GL worth of dessert and not feel *too* guilty about it, since it's a holiday. In other words:

                     Waiting for dessert= Best. Mulligan. Ever. 

Here's wishing you the best and healthiest Thanksgiving possible! 

I leave you with an old Irish-Italian-French-German-American Blessing:

May your quinoa give you strength for the shopping ahead, and may the turkey leg never be placed in your hands.--Unknown*


Editor's Note: While the source of this proverb remains unconfirmed, the diversity of heritage leads us to suspect that this may be an original work by the author of a fairly obscure blog. As more information becomes available, we will seek to give proper credit to this sage woman. individual.